I read about happily ever afters and see happy couples and families, I can't help but wonder why couldn't I have that. What makes me so different that I can't have a happily ever after. I know it isn't me really. Circumstances and all that. It doesn't make it any easier. I am not so sad in losing my partner. Its more sad losing out on my dreams of having someone to grow old with. Having someone that I could have trusted completely. Although he broke my trust a long time ago. I was still trying to work it out. Year after year of disappointment in not having the family that I wanted. Trying to make something out of a farce of a marriage.

I still believe in marriage and family. I am not a hopeless romantic, so I no longer believe in happily ever afters. I don't know if I believe in finding "the man of my dreams". Actually I should say I don't know if I will ever have "the man of my dreams". I know he exists, he's just busy at the moment. I think that would be his excuse.

Ha! Here I am not even divorced yet and talking about finding someone else. Practicality, reality, optimistic...hopeless romantic. I don't want to be a romantic. I don't want to hope.