So here I am sitting sitting at my computer at 11:29 p.m. on New Year's Eve. I was chatting with a friend on gchat. That was fun. I enjoyed it immensely. So why don't I have a date for tonight? I have no idea. Didn't look for one, didn't really want one. It wouldn't feel right to me.
Although I did want to go out, my Zune crashed...like several thousands of them around the world today. I can't go into crowded places without it.
So, New Year's Resolutions. Do you believe in them? Do you ever follow through? I never made them. I set short term and long term goals for myself, but they never have anything to do with the new year.
So...what would I resolve to do for the new year?
Love more
Live more
Spend more time with my boys
Quit putting things off because you never know when you will ever get the chance to do it again.
Tim McGraw's song Live Like You Were Dying comes to mind.
Learn more and put it to use
Maybe something along those lines. Not goals for the year...goals for a lifetime.
Yeah, I'm not into resolutions like I will lose weight this year. That will be an on goal til I get down to my desired weight. Not something I need to make a resolution over.
Oh, maybe write a book this year.
Well anyway. I am sitting here trying to watch bits and pieces of KÅhaku Uta Gassen which is a Japanese New Year's Special. I used to watch it every year til we got rid of Dish Network. It's kind of like the New Year's specials here with music and skits and stuff. But each participant has to be specially invited to the show. Some wait a very long time to receive an invite. I'm hoping that by tomorrow they will have the entire show up on youtube. So far the tribute to Hayao Miyazaki is the coolest. Gotta love the king of anime.
Another video I like is Jero. He did a tribute to his grandmother. His mother was in the audience with tears in her eyes. He stated in an interview that receiving an invititation would be the highest honour. He is an enka singer which is traditional Japanese folk singing. Most people don't really like enka. It is an acquired taste I guess.
So it is well into the new year. I have not heard from my brother although I sent him a text at 12:30 my time. 11:30 his. He must be drunk by now. I hope he is having fun.
I am off to bed. I will probably be up around 7 or so. I'm hoping my Zune is up and running by then. Microsoft is going to have a lot of angrier people on their hands if the 30 gig Zunes don't reset themselves by 12 noon GMT. I say angrier, because there are already a lot of angry people that had to go without their music for the day.
Good night.
Sending good and loving vibes to my very best friend...
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Dreams
I never really thought about dreams and their meanings. People have told me that dreams have meanings. I don't know what to believe. But I do know that dreams are a way of your subconscious dealing with daily events, thoughts and such.
When I was in California I used to dream of tidal waves. One meaning is that one is in emotional unhappiness and psychological stress that threatens to destroy. Hmmm. That seemed to fit. I even had a dream that I was on an island and a tidal wave was coming. I was with my family, my boys and my SO. I got my boys out as the wave came toward us, but lost my spouse. Hmmm. Maybe he was causing the unhappiness and psychological stress even way back when. He was actually. My subconscious knew it.
Its that or I'd been watching too many disaster movies.
My other repeating nightmare was from a James Bond film. Go figure...You'd think it would be of sharks eating people since Jaws was my favourite movie when I was little.
I don't know about anyone else, but I can actually feel pain in my dreams. Excruciating pain at times. Pain that does not go away when I wake.
I wonder what that is about?
I don't like nightmares. They tend to linger.
I do like my dreams. Especially the ones that I can continue. I can stop them like hitting the pause button. Then continue them later.
If I go to bed exhausted however, I don't remember my dreams or if I had them at all.
When I was in California I used to dream of tidal waves. One meaning is that one is in emotional unhappiness and psychological stress that threatens to destroy. Hmmm. That seemed to fit. I even had a dream that I was on an island and a tidal wave was coming. I was with my family, my boys and my SO. I got my boys out as the wave came toward us, but lost my spouse. Hmmm. Maybe he was causing the unhappiness and psychological stress even way back when. He was actually. My subconscious knew it.
Its that or I'd been watching too many disaster movies.
My other repeating nightmare was from a James Bond film. Go figure...You'd think it would be of sharks eating people since Jaws was my favourite movie when I was little.
I don't know about anyone else, but I can actually feel pain in my dreams. Excruciating pain at times. Pain that does not go away when I wake.
I wonder what that is about?
I don't like nightmares. They tend to linger.
I do like my dreams. Especially the ones that I can continue. I can stop them like hitting the pause button. Then continue them later.
If I go to bed exhausted however, I don't remember my dreams or if I had them at all.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Just got to get this off my chest
O.k. So my soon to be ex (STBX) decides to use my youngest as a pawn. A few weeks ago, it was mutually agreed upon that since he is going out 4-5 nights a week to drink that I could have Wednesday and Saturday nights to myself to do as I please. If I want to go out and be with friends, study for my cert, whatever.
Well, Christmas Eve was my night to go out and he goes out instead. Just doesn't come home from work. So I text him and ask him where he's at and thanks for ruining my plans. He comes home later, after midnight, and after a "discussion", tells me that we are through...again. Second time. Both initiated by him. He tells me he is filing for divorce. I am doing it anyway. I thought I would be able to by the end of December, but due to financial circumstances not able to. But now it looks like I will have to get an attorney anyway.
Oh and he also took the Saturday before.
So Saturday comes and I am going to head to Barnes and Noble to study. That way if I need reference books they are right there. I over hear him tell my littlest one, whom he spends no time with anyway, that he is going to bed. Where he has been all day basically. So I ask him if he is going to watch Rhett while I go out. He says no. That it is my fault and I should have thought about it before I called the marriage quits. HELLO!!!! He is the one who called it quits twice. I just told him that I was holding him to it this time to pay for the divorce and file. I told him that I am tired of him changing his mind all the time whether he wants us or not. I told him that since he didn't do any of the things that he told me he planned to do that I did not see him changing anything. I told him that since he called it quits that it was over and done with, no going back. So now its all my fault.
Something I expected him to rationalize anyway. That's the way he operates. Its always someone else's fault even though he pushes them to it.
So I ask him again. If I go out that he will not watch Rhett. I say that he is his father and he needs to have responsibility towards him as well. Again he repeats that it is my fault and I should of thought of that. I told him that he is not making any sense. I ask the boys if they heard what he had stated. They both heard.
He says that he will not watch his own son because something has gone wrong between the two of us. I even told him not to use Rhett as an excuse. I told him that it is wrong to pull Rhett into the middle of this since it is not about him.
What a man right? Can't even call him a man.
I know know what type of person I really married. I thought it was bad with him emotionally abandoning us. But to use a three year old this way? This makes me so flippin angry. I am writing this to work off steam as the physical labour isn't. Too bad my punching bag broke, or I'd be out there working out. I really need to get another one.
And he thinks acting this way is going to make me come back. Words cannot express the anger I feel.
I know I need to concentrate on getting out of here. But this is my house, this is the boy's home. I don't want them to feel like I do about not having anything permanent. I know once I get my credit back...which he ruined...I will be able to get another house. But still.
Well, Christmas Eve was my night to go out and he goes out instead. Just doesn't come home from work. So I text him and ask him where he's at and thanks for ruining my plans. He comes home later, after midnight, and after a "discussion", tells me that we are through...again. Second time. Both initiated by him. He tells me he is filing for divorce. I am doing it anyway. I thought I would be able to by the end of December, but due to financial circumstances not able to. But now it looks like I will have to get an attorney anyway.
Oh and he also took the Saturday before.
So Saturday comes and I am going to head to Barnes and Noble to study. That way if I need reference books they are right there. I over hear him tell my littlest one, whom he spends no time with anyway, that he is going to bed. Where he has been all day basically. So I ask him if he is going to watch Rhett while I go out. He says no. That it is my fault and I should have thought about it before I called the marriage quits. HELLO!!!! He is the one who called it quits twice. I just told him that I was holding him to it this time to pay for the divorce and file. I told him that I am tired of him changing his mind all the time whether he wants us or not. I told him that since he didn't do any of the things that he told me he planned to do that I did not see him changing anything. I told him that since he called it quits that it was over and done with, no going back. So now its all my fault.
Something I expected him to rationalize anyway. That's the way he operates. Its always someone else's fault even though he pushes them to it.
So I ask him again. If I go out that he will not watch Rhett. I say that he is his father and he needs to have responsibility towards him as well. Again he repeats that it is my fault and I should of thought of that. I told him that he is not making any sense. I ask the boys if they heard what he had stated. They both heard.
He says that he will not watch his own son because something has gone wrong between the two of us. I even told him not to use Rhett as an excuse. I told him that it is wrong to pull Rhett into the middle of this since it is not about him.
What a man right? Can't even call him a man.
I know know what type of person I really married. I thought it was bad with him emotionally abandoning us. But to use a three year old this way? This makes me so flippin angry. I am writing this to work off steam as the physical labour isn't. Too bad my punching bag broke, or I'd be out there working out. I really need to get another one.
And he thinks acting this way is going to make me come back. Words cannot express the anger I feel.
I know I need to concentrate on getting out of here. But this is my house, this is the boy's home. I don't want them to feel like I do about not having anything permanent. I know once I get my credit back...which he ruined...I will be able to get another house. But still.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
mienai chikara by B'z
English translation follows:
Yume nara aru hazuda, anata ni mo boku ni mo
Mitsukuari nikui dake de, isogashisugite
Mienai chikara ga, boku wo ima ugokashite iru
Sono kini nareba iyo, mirai wa sonna ni wa kurakunai
"We'll be alright, good luck my friends"
Ai suru tomono kotoba wo, boku wa wasurenai
Iitai dono kotoba datte honto ni iita katta no wa
Ikura shita uchishite mo, modoranai hibi yo
Yuruginai chikara ga anata ni sasayaite iru
"It's ok baby" kowakunai yo, dareka wo aishite ikiru koto
Naze ni kimochi wa zutto ato ni naranakerya tsutawaranai
Mienai chikara de, dare mo ga tsuyoku tsunagatteiru
Nani mo taishita koto janai yo sobani ite mo hanareteite mo
Kinou kyou ashita to egao no anata wa itsu demo kono mune ni iru yo
Mienai chikara yo, kagayake
You've got to be strong, it's never too late, I never say die
Yuruginai chikara yo, boku o mitase
You've got to be strong, it's never too late, I never say die
Mienai chikara yo, kagayake
You've got to be strong, it's never too late, I never say die
Everyone should have dreams, even you and I
But it's been difficult to pursue because we are too busy
The invisible power is moving me now
If I feel it, then somehow the future won't be as dark
"We'll be alright, good luck, my friends"
I shall never forget the words said by my beloved friend
Actually what kind of words that we wanted to say?
As much as I regret it, those days will never return
Unchanging power is whispering to you
It's ok baby, don't be afraid about going on living while loving somebody
Why always until long time later that it finally reached my heart
Everyone is connected by invisible power
It's not important whether you're by my side, or we're apart
Yesterday, today and tomorrow, in this heart of mine is always your smile
Invisible power, shine on
You've got to be strong, it's never too late, I never say die
Unchanging power, fill me up
You've got to be strong, it's never too late, I never say die
Invisible power, shine on
You've got to be strong, it's never too late, I never say die
Friday, December 26, 2008
A Place called Home
I was sitting here pondering why I never decorate the places that I live in. I never even put photos of the kids and I up on the walls. I usually just make it functional.
So here I was thinking about it and I figured out that I've never lived in a place longer than 2 years and they were rentals. Places you can't really do anything with.
So here I am, in my own home and I haven't done anything. I still feel as if it isn't mine. Still feel as if I don't belong. As I look around me, I have half finished projects that I have decided to finish. How long will I be in this house? I'm not sure with the way things are going.
Why do we let psychological crap to cloud our judgments and make a mess out of things. Like me never having a permanent home even when I was growing up. Always moving. So most of the time, I don't even bother unpacking certain things at times. I just put boxes in a closet so I wont' have to pack them later.
My soon to be ex and his complex that everyone will leave him eventually and if they don't he does things to make them leave so he is free of blame. In his mind, they are the ones leaving so it is their fault. He can justify it in his mind even though he is the one who does all the things to make the person leave. He's done it with me and two others. Too bad I didn't figure it out before.
My mom is another person. I am not sure what happened early on in her life. Maybe it was my father that caused the problem. But once you start to get close to her, she does things to push you away. She did this with some of her friends and my brother and I. She did this throughout my life. I would stay away and let things cool off and then I'd start over again. We were in the process of starting over when she died. She had started a fight with me about 8 months before and told me that I didn't have to bring the kids around. At this point I was bringing Dusty over to see her about once a week and they would do things together and when I picked him up, we would go to the park by her house to play and feed the ducks. She had said some pretty hurtful things and it had made me upset. So I didn't bring them around. She called a couple of months later, but I was still upset over what she had said.
Then I decided I'd better make things right so I called and we talked. She invited me and the boys to dinner. That was a Friday. I remember I was texting a friend telling them that I was at my mom's for dinner. We had a good time. I told her about my marriage falling apart and she was upset that I hadn't told her sooner. She thought that I had told all of my friends. But that wasn't the case.
Anyway, I was going to spend time with her when she had a day off. I never got the chance. Nine days later she had died.
So why do we let all this psychological crap interfere with our lives?
So here I was thinking about it and I figured out that I've never lived in a place longer than 2 years and they were rentals. Places you can't really do anything with.
So here I am, in my own home and I haven't done anything. I still feel as if it isn't mine. Still feel as if I don't belong. As I look around me, I have half finished projects that I have decided to finish. How long will I be in this house? I'm not sure with the way things are going.
Why do we let psychological crap to cloud our judgments and make a mess out of things. Like me never having a permanent home even when I was growing up. Always moving. So most of the time, I don't even bother unpacking certain things at times. I just put boxes in a closet so I wont' have to pack them later.
My soon to be ex and his complex that everyone will leave him eventually and if they don't he does things to make them leave so he is free of blame. In his mind, they are the ones leaving so it is their fault. He can justify it in his mind even though he is the one who does all the things to make the person leave. He's done it with me and two others. Too bad I didn't figure it out before.
My mom is another person. I am not sure what happened early on in her life. Maybe it was my father that caused the problem. But once you start to get close to her, she does things to push you away. She did this with some of her friends and my brother and I. She did this throughout my life. I would stay away and let things cool off and then I'd start over again. We were in the process of starting over when she died. She had started a fight with me about 8 months before and told me that I didn't have to bring the kids around. At this point I was bringing Dusty over to see her about once a week and they would do things together and when I picked him up, we would go to the park by her house to play and feed the ducks. She had said some pretty hurtful things and it had made me upset. So I didn't bring them around. She called a couple of months later, but I was still upset over what she had said.
Then I decided I'd better make things right so I called and we talked. She invited me and the boys to dinner. That was a Friday. I remember I was texting a friend telling them that I was at my mom's for dinner. We had a good time. I told her about my marriage falling apart and she was upset that I hadn't told her sooner. She thought that I had told all of my friends. But that wasn't the case.
Anyway, I was going to spend time with her when she had a day off. I never got the chance. Nine days later she had died.
So why do we let all this psychological crap interfere with our lives?
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Friendship
I have this friend who has been my rock through all of this. I treasure this friendship. I would be lost without it. This friend has been my sounding board, a shoulder to cry on, someone to vent to. All the while not asking anything back.
How do you let someone know how much they mean to you? You can say it a thousand different ways, show it a thousand different ways and still wonder if they actually know their worth to you. I am so thankful for this friend.
Thank you.
How do you let someone know how much they mean to you? You can say it a thousand different ways, show it a thousand different ways and still wonder if they actually know their worth to you. I am so thankful for this friend.
Thank you.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Sometimes...
I can't remember what makes me happy. Internal force not external. I mean my boys, watching them, loving them, of course, makes me happy. Watching the dogs play. Being with my friend who makes me smile and laugh, who makes me want so much more in life.
I used to be a happy person who was always smiling, helping others, who found joy from within. I know I will again some day. I know it takes time. I hate being like this though.
I still have trouble remembering things. My mind is constantly wandering. Feel like I want to cry at the drop of a hat, but can't because I don't want my children to see me do so.
Too much all at once.
I just have to remember.
I used to be a happy person who was always smiling, helping others, who found joy from within. I know I will again some day. I know it takes time. I hate being like this though.
I still have trouble remembering things. My mind is constantly wandering. Feel like I want to cry at the drop of a hat, but can't because I don't want my children to see me do so.
Too much all at once.
I just have to remember.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Tired
You know that bone jarring tired where you want to go to sleep and just sleep for a few weeks...months...years.
I know I should get out of this, but at the moment I don't want to. I'm so tired of being strong. I'm tired of looking like I am happy. I am tired of making every one think that I am FINE. Do you know what FINE stands for?
Freaking
Irrational
Neurotic
Emotional
That is me.
I'm tired.
I know I am not the only one to be going through a lot of stuff. But I bet if the person who had it worse than me kept a blog, it would sound quite a bit like this one.
I know I should get out of this, but at the moment I don't want to. I'm so tired of being strong. I'm tired of looking like I am happy. I am tired of making every one think that I am FINE. Do you know what FINE stands for?
Freaking
Irrational
Neurotic
Emotional
That is me.
I'm tired.
I know I am not the only one to be going through a lot of stuff. But I bet if the person who had it worse than me kept a blog, it would sound quite a bit like this one.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
I read about happily ever afters and see happy couples and families, I can't help but wonder why couldn't I have that. What makes me so different that I can't have a happily ever after. I know it isn't me really. Circumstances and all that. It doesn't make it any easier. I am not so sad in losing my partner. Its more sad losing out on my dreams of having someone to grow old with. Having someone that I could have trusted completely. Although he broke my trust a long time ago. I was still trying to work it out. Year after year of disappointment in not having the family that I wanted. Trying to make something out of a farce of a marriage.
I still believe in marriage and family. I am not a hopeless romantic, so I no longer believe in happily ever afters. I don't know if I believe in finding "the man of my dreams". Actually I should say I don't know if I will ever have "the man of my dreams". I know he exists, he's just busy at the moment. I think that would be his excuse.
Ha! Here I am not even divorced yet and talking about finding someone else. Practicality, reality, optimistic...hopeless romantic. I don't want to be a romantic. I don't want to hope.
I still believe in marriage and family. I am not a hopeless romantic, so I no longer believe in happily ever afters. I don't know if I believe in finding "the man of my dreams". Actually I should say I don't know if I will ever have "the man of my dreams". I know he exists, he's just busy at the moment. I think that would be his excuse.
Ha! Here I am not even divorced yet and talking about finding someone else. Practicality, reality, optimistic...hopeless romantic. I don't want to be a romantic. I don't want to hope.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
So what do you do?
What do you do when you learn that your world has been torn apart? I think about the baby I lost. I know I have 3 perfectly wonderful children as I have been told and not to dwell on the one that I lost. But it still hurts. It still bothers me. I still think about her...I know it was a girl. Her name was to be Kaguya Tsuki. Kaguya is from the story Kaguya Hime. It is one of my favourites. Tsuki means moon. I didn't think I wanted a girl. I was always afraid she would be one of those girls that wouldn't want to get dirty, didn't like bugs, would want to wear dresses everywhere, etc. I don't think I would know what to do. But I would have loved her anyway.
I thought I would be able to try again. I'm 38, by the time I would be able to find someone to share my life with and try to have another child, I think I will be to old.
I think about my mother, a lot. I think of all the things that I should have said. The things I should have done. But I know that I cannot go back and change things. So I try not to dwell on it. Its hard though, when I have to go through some of her things, those feelings creep back in.
I have this wonderful friend. I don't know what I would do without that friendship. I think I would be lost beyond belief.
I don't believe in fate or destiny. I don't believe that God sees everything and this is what he planned.
So what do I do?
I can get depressed, which I have. Not a fun place to be. I know it will be an uphill battle to beat that all the time.
or...
I can try to see my life as I want it in the future. I know what I want. I don't know if I will get what I want, but right now it is the hope that I have.
I have my health to think about. I get depressed and if I let the stress get to me, I don't do so well. I still have to be there for my boys. They were affected by my mother dying and Sean breaking up the marriage. They don't know about the sister they lost. I'm not sure I will tell them, but I think they will find out at some point. I will cross that bridge when I get to it.
I thought I would be able to try again. I'm 38, by the time I would be able to find someone to share my life with and try to have another child, I think I will be to old.
I think about my mother, a lot. I think of all the things that I should have said. The things I should have done. But I know that I cannot go back and change things. So I try not to dwell on it. Its hard though, when I have to go through some of her things, those feelings creep back in.
I have this wonderful friend. I don't know what I would do without that friendship. I think I would be lost beyond belief.
I don't believe in fate or destiny. I don't believe that God sees everything and this is what he planned.
So what do I do?
I can get depressed, which I have. Not a fun place to be. I know it will be an uphill battle to beat that all the time.
or...
I can try to see my life as I want it in the future. I know what I want. I don't know if I will get what I want, but right now it is the hope that I have.
I have my health to think about. I get depressed and if I let the stress get to me, I don't do so well. I still have to be there for my boys. They were affected by my mother dying and Sean breaking up the marriage. They don't know about the sister they lost. I'm not sure I will tell them, but I think they will find out at some point. I will cross that bridge when I get to it.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Had to start a new one
I wanted to keep this blog separate from the other. The other was about all things holistic including homeschooling and family life.
I want this one to be about me and what I am going through since the one's I usually vent to aren't always available. So read if you dare. This probably isn't going to be pretty, but that is life. I don't think anyone really has it easy right now. Everyone is going through something. But usually they have a significant other to share the burden with. My significant other decided a few months ago that he no longer wanted to be with me and the boys. Thats fine. His decision. Life goes on. I'm not even really sad about it. Angry maybe, but not sad. Angry because it all started after I had a miscarriage. He made it all about him, not even thinking about how I was feeling. And what he made all about himself wasn't even about the baby, it was his own selfish perception. He didn't even care that I had lost the baby.
Then if anyone read Land of the Snow Wolf, you would know that my mother died on October 19, 2008. That is still a raw wound.
Shortly before that, the doctor found out that there was something wrong with my heart. I am on medication and was supposed to go back to the dr. Yeah, that was October 20th. It didn't happen. I'm still waiting to go back. I will. I promised someone that I would after I got some money.
So in the past seven months I:
Lost a baby by miscarriage at 3 months.
Lost my husband
Lost my mother
Got diagnosed with a heart problem
Sounds daunting doesn't it? I'm going to try to take the path less travelled and say I am going to be optomistic. (Although I gave up saying..."What else can go wrong?")
Good thing though, I started a really cool new job that allows me to work out of my home. Its in the slow season (hopefully) so I have to go get a "real" job...as some people tell me. I'm giving in and going to apply at a spa or something.
Oh and get this. After my mother died, my SO decided that he wanted to get back with me. That it was a mistake. Not that he was really sorry for what had taken place...again it was about him. See a pattern? Yeah, its been that way for a long time. I asked him what he would do differently. He said that he would change, he would fix things. Well, he hasn't. And he's taken up drinking...just about every night.
So, that is what is going on for the moment. I will write and fill in the little details as well as write whats bugging me, what's making me happy, how everyone in the family is dealing with things, etc.
I want this one to be about me and what I am going through since the one's I usually vent to aren't always available. So read if you dare. This probably isn't going to be pretty, but that is life. I don't think anyone really has it easy right now. Everyone is going through something. But usually they have a significant other to share the burden with. My significant other decided a few months ago that he no longer wanted to be with me and the boys. Thats fine. His decision. Life goes on. I'm not even really sad about it. Angry maybe, but not sad. Angry because it all started after I had a miscarriage. He made it all about him, not even thinking about how I was feeling. And what he made all about himself wasn't even about the baby, it was his own selfish perception. He didn't even care that I had lost the baby.
Then if anyone read Land of the Snow Wolf, you would know that my mother died on October 19, 2008. That is still a raw wound.
Shortly before that, the doctor found out that there was something wrong with my heart. I am on medication and was supposed to go back to the dr. Yeah, that was October 20th. It didn't happen. I'm still waiting to go back. I will. I promised someone that I would after I got some money.
So in the past seven months I:
Lost a baby by miscarriage at 3 months.
Lost my husband
Lost my mother
Got diagnosed with a heart problem
Sounds daunting doesn't it? I'm going to try to take the path less travelled and say I am going to be optomistic. (Although I gave up saying..."What else can go wrong?")
Good thing though, I started a really cool new job that allows me to work out of my home. Its in the slow season (hopefully) so I have to go get a "real" job...as some people tell me. I'm giving in and going to apply at a spa or something.
Oh and get this. After my mother died, my SO decided that he wanted to get back with me. That it was a mistake. Not that he was really sorry for what had taken place...again it was about him. See a pattern? Yeah, its been that way for a long time. I asked him what he would do differently. He said that he would change, he would fix things. Well, he hasn't. And he's taken up drinking...just about every night.
So, that is what is going on for the moment. I will write and fill in the little details as well as write whats bugging me, what's making me happy, how everyone in the family is dealing with things, etc.
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