Circles

I feel like I am going in circles with my situation. I'm getting angry and depressed. One would think that it would be easy to get a good paying job. But being self employed for so long and not working for someone has taken its toll, I guess. I wonder if I should have put career first and family second. Maybe I would be in a better position right not. But I hate leaving my boys. I hated it long ago when I was single and had to work 60 to 70 hours away from a newborn and an eight year old child. I don't want to have to be away for that long again. I know I just need to do it, but the thought of it makes me want to cry. Maybe I'm just lazy. Other people do it, right? Spend countless hours away from their children and let someone else raise them.
Living in my van at some beach with my boys and the dogs doesn't seem like such a bad idea when I think of it. Jewel did it and look at her, she ended up being famous. She's even married to someone I know now.

Just a thought.

So the dilemma: Work 60 to 70 hours away from my children, stick them in day care and only see them when they are asleep, become homeless and live on the beach in California, or stay with my boys and just live any way we can?
All options are depressing.